Yesterday I let my kids have cookies instead of fruit after school.
Last week I should have punished one of my kids, but in my confusion and frustration and indecisiveness, I ended up talking to the child and not dishing out punishment.
Sometimes I ignore my kids fighting in the other room because I know it will not do any good to speak up.
I haven’t said “I love you” enough.
I’ve said yes when I should have said no, and I’ve said no when I should have said yes.
You might say I’ve blown it as a mom. At least hundreds of times or so.
And you know what, I will blow it again tomorrow.
Sometimes, as a mom, I make good choices. Sometimes, I’m overwhelmed and indecisive and have no idea what to do. Sometimes, I’m paralyzed with indecision. And you know what happens when I STAY in that place? I start drowning. Guilt. Feelings of failure. My mistakes play over and over in my mind.
One thing I’ve learned through my battles with depression is that negative thoughts are a cycle. A vicious cycle.
At some point, I have to turn my thoughts around and preach the gospel to myself. As a sensitive woman, as a wife, and as a mom. I cannot continue to dwell on my mistakes. Because you know what? I will continue to make more mistakes.
I have to look to Jesus.
Sometimes it’s a battle to even get my eyes on Jesus. Sometimes it’s so hard, I cry, I fight, I get angry with God and keep fighting. But, when I give up, when I surrender, the peace comes.
If grace is an ocean, I’m drowning.
You see, I have to remind myself that God’s grace not only covers the mistakes of my children, it covers my parenting mistakes. God’s grace not only will get me through the tough teenage years, it will give me peace in each and every storm.
I have to tell myself that my children are their own little people, sinners just like me, who WILL make bad choices. Yes, I’ve made parenting mistakes, but they will make these choices all on their own. I can’t continue to dwell in those failures as my own.
We’ve had a rough few weeks around here. I have beat myself up for every mistake of the last 13 years as a mom. I have told myself that I’m not adequate to be my kids moms. I have scolded myself and cried every last tear there was.
But, those feelings of inadequacy MUST at some point turn to Jesus and off of myself. I have to continue, day in and day out, fixing my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith.
“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things. Do what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:8-9
Did you catch the end of that verse? When we turn our thoughts AWAY from ourselves and our mistakes and TO Jesus and whatever things are true, noble and right — when we choose to dwell on those things, the God of PEACE will be with you.
I have seen this to be true time and time again in my own life. Praying the Scriptures is one way that I help my heart to be fixed on Jesus.
Dear sweet mamas who have blown it a million times, just like I have, first of all, you aren’t alone. You aren’t the only inadequate mama who feels like a failure. Like you, I have to remind myself that I’m not a failure and my mistakes and my sin reminds me of my need for a Savior. My failures remind me of the STRENGTH of my Savior. My inadequacies remind me of a completely adequate heavenly Father who hears my every cry and loves me unconditionally.
Verses to Cling to When You Blow It
- Philippians 4:8-9 “Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things. Do what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.”
- 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 “Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times to take it away from me. But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
- Hebrews 12:1-2 “Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurancethe race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shameand has sat down at the right hand of God’s throne.”
- Ephesians 2:4-10 “But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love that He had for us, made us alive with the Messiah even though we were dead in trespasses. You are saved by grace! Together with Christ Jesus He also raised us up and seated us in the heavens, so that in the coming ages He might display the immeasurable riches of His grace through His kindnessto us in Christ Jesus. For you are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God’s gift— not from works, so that no one can boast. For we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them.”
- Romans 8:1 “Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus, because the Spirit’s law of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.”