For a long while I have lived with the feeling that my life is not pleasing to God. I have felt that my family and I were not where we were supposed to be. I have prayed and prayed and begged God to move the heart of my husband if He had some calling or “bigger purpose” for our lives. I have struggled with being just a mom. I have wanted to do something BIG for God…you know, move to Africa, live in a hut, lead thousands of people to Christ…
I am a passionate, avid reader, as you can see from my favorite book list. I am SO inspired by so many books, I loved Radical. I loved Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God
. I want a life like that. I want to be radical in my faith. I want to be crazy in love with Jesus.
. I want a life like that. I want to be radical in my faith. I want to be crazy in love with Jesus. So, when asked to serve here or there at church or otherwise, I tend to say yes…maybe THIS will be the big thing God has for me. Maybe this is my calling. Maybe this is where He will use me. So, I get busy doing for God. I get busy hoping He will show me my call amidst all the uh, busy-ness.
But, you know when I am the most at peace with life?
When I am at home, praying or reading God’s word…or sitting on the couch reading with my kids…or sitting outside watching them ride bikes up and down the street…or even doing language arts with my girls with NO rush at all!!
Yet, in today’s world, according to most in the church, I am doing “nothing” for the kingdom by being home with my kids. I am not living a radical lifestyle for Him. I am not serving enough at church. I am not being obedient to the protocol of living the “good, Christian life.” So, the guilt begins to creep in.
Remember, I want to be radical in my faith. I want to do something big for God. Something exciting…something grand.
Then, I read this and my heart slows…the peace returns. Here is an excerpt from Sally Clarkson’s blog…
Western Christianity seems to point us to doing a great deed, making a great sacrifice or performing something great in the public eye. Perhaps it is one way of serving. But I believe in my heart that it is the quiet deeds of faith, the steadfast heart, the humble service over the years of a lifetime that is really pleasing to our Jesus, who Himself said He was humble and meek and to learn from Him. Most will serve Him, in the unobserved moment by moment willingness to bear the burdens of life in a fallen world, perhaps never receiving accolades from the public arena. Yet, God, who sees in secret, will indeed see their deeds of loving faithfulness when no one else is looking.
Can I be just a mom and still please the Lord? Can this season of my life involve more staying than going? Is it possible to stay here, in my middle class American home and please the Lord? Can I sit at Jesus’ feet, loving Him like Mary did, without losing my mind as Martha?
I am learning, that for me, the answer to those questions is a resounding YES. God can use me right here in my own home. I have to choose to believe and WALK BY FAITH in the plan that God has for me at this stage in my life.
Maybe, just maybe, God is using this time in my life scrubbing toilets to grow me in humility. Maybe He is using this time to cultivate a deeper prayer life. Maybe He is using this season in my life to do much for the “kingdom of God” in the hearts of my 3 children.
“…just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve…” Matt. 20:28
I will admit, I want recognition sometimes. I want appreciation. And, you don’t get that when you are just a mom. I want to be noticed. I want to be important in the eyes of others. Just being totally honest here. But, when I actually say these things outloud (or type them here) I realize that maybe the very reason God hasn’t called me to something big is because little is right where He wants me.
Small. Hidden in Christ. Unnoticed by the world. Heck, even unnoticed by the church. Humble. A lowly servant. Washing the feet of others, namely those of my children. 🙂
Does that sound like anyone else to you? Maybe through this season, God is making me more like Jesus. Maybe. I can only hope and pray that soon others will see more of Him and less of me.
“For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God…” Col. 3:3
So, for today, I am ok with being just a mom.
**Note: I am not at all bashing the books listed above. In fact, I have raved about them many times on my blog! However, for me, right at this moment, sometimes those books and great heroic stories of faith discourage me instead of encourage me. They aren’t wrong at all! I applaud those whose calling is to do a big thing for God. I wish it was me. But for now, it’s not and I am learning to be content with where He has me! 🙂
Candace…I think you are right on! Those children are your mission field. Teaching them to sit at the feet of Jesus with you is a big deal.
When I was a child that is exactly what my mom taught me…and the way she lead me to the Lord. We sat at His feet together…and she taught me to pray for other people.
Living for Him and praying for others…serving your husband and family…and letting the love of Christ flow from you to others! (:>)
Thanks for posting this. I think other young mothers need to read this. Godliness with contentment is great gain.
Linda @ Truthful Tidbits
Candace,
I love the excerpt from Sally Clarkson’s blog. I agree that our Western Christian culture leads us to feel like we have to be “doing something” in the body of the church. And that can be so hard as a mother being pulled here and there and trying to do what we think is God’s call. I read an article last year in “Above Rubies” magazine (an excellent magazine BTW) that really made me think and pray about the calling that God gives us as mothers ~ to shepard our flock first and then tend to others. It was all about how busy we get working in the church and attending “this and that” meeting/activity, tending to others, and our family can actually suffer spiritually from it. I took it to heart ~ discussed it with DH and we have really made strides at spending more time on our family’s hearts. I am thankful that this is where he wants me to be. Now we are actively working on decreasing dramatically our activities. Thanks for sharing this!! I’ll be praying for you. ((HUGS))
Candace,
You know there have been times in my life that I have felt just being a mom gets no recognition. How am I really serving Jesus?
I am not serving in my churh in a big way (by choice)and yet I want to do something to bring others to Christ. I realized not long ago that my greatest mission is my children. I need to start at home with my own “little flock” so to speak. As you mentioned this is a season.
I have an aunt whom I admire greatly. She is 81 years old now and has raised 7 children. She is a quiet woman and yet such a strong, strong christian. She is not just faithful. She lives her faith each and everyday. Not by doing great things that most people notice or get recognition for, but living her faith. She is the body of Christ. I want to live my faith in that way. I think we live in a world that seems to demand recognition and if you don’t do something great you are not doing anything. I may never go on a mission trip but I can reach out right where I am. I am praying for you, friend.
YES! YES! YES! You have perfectly expressed my heart. After reading those same books, I was left with the same feelings. In fact, I could have written this post almost word for word about wanting to do something big for Christ and thinking that whatever I am doing is going to lead to the “big thing”. I think you are right on target, Candace. Hugs!!
Interesting post considering that our pastor was saying the exact same thing last night! I need to listen to this words since I am hearing them over and over again.
Interesting post considering that our pastor was saying the exact same thing last night! I need to listen to this words since I am hearing them over and over again.
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This is definitely something I’ve had to release to God. My mundane, monotous, “insignificant” life as “just a mom” can be hard for others to understand, and it leaves you oftimes in a lonely place. Somehow, I need to find a friend or two who are on the same page, and who can encourage me. And to stop judging or comparing myself to others. This is where I’m called to be. I just want peace & contentment in this calling. Thank you for sharing.
You just shared the cry of my heart. Your words describe everything I feel. I’m stunned. This is why I quit reading Radical. Amazing how the Holy Spirit knits so many of our hearts together. Thank you for sharing!
i just LOVE this post!
Angela
Thank you so much for writing this. I couldn’t have read it at a more perfect time after a week of our entire household being sick and me wasting a lot of time with self-pity and doubt. Eloquently written, and I appreciate your honesty and humility!
okay. so i thought that i would re-word some stuff. i was saying that *personally* those are things that i need to work on. i know that you read the Bible in 90 days … that’s what lead me to follow your blog in the first place. and i keep following because i think that you are an amazing mom and a good Christian woman.
Amen! Isn’t t just like God to hide the great in the small?
Candace, thank you so much for sharing your heart with us. What you have shared so resonated with my spirit. I am right where you are and allowing yourself to be transparent with us not only encourages us but also pleases the Lord. See, your life is pleasing to God:)
What a testimony!
Many more blessings to you and yours
This is spot-on! I just wrote an article for my friend’s ministry on this very topic – and I’ll post it on my blog tomorrow after it runs in my friend’s e-newsletter. I don’t just say this because I’m an at-home mom like you, but the reality is that motherhood – the nurturing of the next generation – is the best thing we can do with our lives, no matter what our culture thinks (even if it’s – misguided – church culture). And guess what? You ARE being “radical” in that way – since you are going against the cultural flow and, instead, following only the Lord’s leading. :^)
Love it Sister! Amen and Amen. Father, please help me to be at peace right here in my home. Thank you Lord for the great call. Help me to take advatage of this once in a lifetime opportunity!
Wow Candace!! This post is so encouraging to me. Many days recently I wonder if I’m doing something that matters in the long term, and trying to remember that my mission field is these two little bodies. Thanks for your encouragement!
I struggle with this too Candace. I SO want to do BIG things for God! He has opened my eyes to the needs around the world and broken my heart into bits, and yet He has not called me out of my home. It is hard to reconcile that. I love being a mommy, and I love this season, and I will pour my life into my children. I pray their eyes will be opened long before mine were.
PS I think it is possible for us to be “radical” in our homes. (I mean just being a stay-at-home mom and homeschooling is “radical” in the eyes of the world! Ha!) I think we just have to be a little bit more creative than those that can actually jump out of their home and be visibly “radical”. Does that make sense??
You’ve nailed it, Candace. Thank you. 🙂
Being a mom can be massively radical, in that so much of Christian society teaches children to be any thing but radical for Christ, a mom can be a shining light in a field of massive darkness.
Imagine Jim Elliott’s mom when he was growing up and she was teaching him. Likewise, consider the heartache she experienced when he was killed. Granted, it would have been less radical, and certainly much safer for her not to instill the “radical” nature of discipleship in her child… but such was her calling.
We are all different, we all have different calls, and will all be asked to give up much as disciples at some point.
I just followed you over from Kelly’s Korner today, and I have to say that your words in this post are exactly how I felt after reading Radical. I LOVE the book, and still rave about it, but I was left with the guilt that I wasn’t being “Radical” in my own Christian walk as a middle class stay-at-home mom.