For a long while I have lived with the feeling that my life is not pleasing to God. I have felt that my family and I were not where we were supposed to be. I have prayed and prayed and begged God to move the heart of my husband if He had some calling or “bigger purpose” for our lives. I have struggled with being just a mom. I have wanted to do something BIG for God…you know, move to Africa, live in a hut, lead thousands of people to Christ…
I am a passionate, avid reader, as you can see from my favorite book list. I am SO inspired by so many books, I loved Radical. I loved Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God
. I want a life like that. I want to be radical in my faith. I want to be crazy in love with Jesus.
. I want a life like that. I want to be radical in my faith. I want to be crazy in love with Jesus. So, when asked to serve here or there at church or otherwise, I tend to say yes…maybe THIS will be the big thing God has for me. Maybe this is my calling. Maybe this is where He will use me. So, I get busy doing for God. I get busy hoping He will show me my call amidst all the uh, busy-ness.
But, you know when I am the most at peace with life?
When I am at home, praying or reading God’s word…or sitting on the couch reading with my kids…or sitting outside watching them ride bikes up and down the street…or even doing language arts with my girls with NO rush at all!!
Yet, in today’s world, according to most in the church, I am doing “nothing” for the kingdom by being home with my kids. I am not living a radical lifestyle for Him. I am not serving enough at church. I am not being obedient to the protocol of living the “good, Christian life.” So, the guilt begins to creep in.
Remember, I want to be radical in my faith. I want to do something big for God. Something exciting…something grand.
Then, I read this and my heart slows…the peace returns. Here is an excerpt from Sally Clarkson’s blog…
Western Christianity seems to point us to doing a great deed, making a great sacrifice or performing something great in the public eye. Perhaps it is one way of serving. But I believe in my heart that it is the quiet deeds of faith, the steadfast heart, the humble service over the years of a lifetime that is really pleasing to our Jesus, who Himself said He was humble and meek and to learn from Him. Most will serve Him, in the unobserved moment by moment willingness to bear the burdens of life in a fallen world, perhaps never receiving accolades from the public arena. Yet, God, who sees in secret, will indeed see their deeds of loving faithfulness when no one else is looking.
Can I be just a mom and still please the Lord? Can this season of my life involve more staying than going? Is it possible to stay here, in my middle class American home and please the Lord? Can I sit at Jesus’ feet, loving Him like Mary did, without losing my mind as Martha?
I am learning, that for me, the answer to those questions is a resounding YES. God can use me right here in my own home. I have to choose to believe and WALK BY FAITH in the plan that God has for me at this stage in my life.
Maybe, just maybe, God is using this time in my life scrubbing toilets to grow me in humility. Maybe He is using this time to cultivate a deeper prayer life. Maybe He is using this season in my life to do much for the “kingdom of God” in the hearts of my 3 children.
“…just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve…” Matt. 20:28
I will admit, I want recognition sometimes. I want appreciation. And, you don’t get that when you are just a mom. I want to be noticed. I want to be important in the eyes of others. Just being totally honest here. But, when I actually say these things outloud (or type them here) I realize that maybe the very reason God hasn’t called me to something big is because little is right where He wants me.
Small. Hidden in Christ. Unnoticed by the world. Heck, even unnoticed by the church. Humble. A lowly servant. Washing the feet of others, namely those of my children. 🙂
Does that sound like anyone else to you? Maybe through this season, God is making me more like Jesus. Maybe. I can only hope and pray that soon others will see more of Him and less of me.
“For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God…” Col. 3:3
So, for today, I am ok with being just a mom.
**Note: I am not at all bashing the books listed above. In fact, I have raved about them many times on my blog! However, for me, right at this moment, sometimes those books and great heroic stories of faith discourage me instead of encourage me. They aren’t wrong at all! I applaud those whose calling is to do a big thing for God. I wish it was me. But for now, it’s not and I am learning to be content with where He has me! 🙂
