I always wanted to be a mom. I always wanted to be home with my babies. I hoped that someday I could be a stay-at-home mom and wife. God has truly given me my hearts desires…
And yet, He has given me so much more.
What God has given me through my children and through my marriage is hard to put into words. Sanctification comes to mind. But, really, it’s even more than that.
“…whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave – just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:27-28
Motherhood has slowly hammered away at my pride, tantrum by tantrum, spilled milk by spilled milk. Motherhood has brought to light and magnified the selfishness in my own life. And it was pretty ugly.
I am still there, friends. He is still working on me. He is not finished with me yet, Praise His Holy Name!! But, oh, to take a moment and look back to 10 years ago…He has been faithful and He has truly grown me in many ways.
I’ve mentioned before that I was a kindergarten teacher. I prided myself on having the best behaved kindergarten class in the school. (so I thought.) I prided myself on getting very unruly boys to change their ways. I loved my job.
So, motherhood should be pretty easy, right? Humph.
“I am the Lord’s servant,’ Mary answered. ‘May it be to me as you have said.'” Luke 1:38
This verse has pricked my heart many a time. I was never much of a servant before motherhood. I mean, I thought I was. But, I wasn’t.
Late night feedings, midnight diaper changes, early morning tears…those things didn’t do much for this girl who likes her sleep. 🙂 But I got up, each time, and now wish I could go back and rock those babies one more time. Oh, how time truly changes things…
Tantrums that turn into full blown strong-willed-day-long battles brought out anger and weakness all at the same time in me. I learned rather quickly, with that strong willed child, that low and behold, you really can’t control your children no matter what the experts or how-to books say. Humbling moments.
Being at home day in and day out showed me loneliness and laziness that I never knew were inside me. You mean I have to get out of bed and fix breakfast? and lunch? and snacks? {grin}
As you can see, God had His work cut out for me when He called me to be a mother. But, in all honesty, motherhood has been the number 1 thing in my life that has made me more like Him.
Not having any earthly clue what to do with a child will bring you to your knees.
Not having an ounce of energy or joy will call you to praise.
Not knowing how I’m going to survive the day will teach you total dependance.
Losing your temper at silly childhood antics will show you your need for a Savior.
Realizing that no matter what you do, you can’t save your child, makes you grateful for His grace.
Oh the lessons in humility God has taught me. Truly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have prayed time and time again for God to make me more like Himself.
Through motherhood, He has been answering those prayers.
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**I shared at the new year that I wanted to do a series here on my blog about Motherhood. This is the first of those posts. 🙂
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