Trophy Child {book review}

I just finished reading a book this week that is so very relevant for parents in today’s culture. It is called
Trophy Child: Saving Parents from Performance, Preparing Children for Something Greater Than Themselves. {I know, quite the title…but the part that has stuck with me is TROPHY CHILD.}

The author of this book, Ted Cunningham, is the senior pastor at Woodland Hills Family Church in Missouri. From many of the descriptions in this book about what their church does and means for children, it sounds like a fantastic place to worship as a family! I was struck, at first, by how young Ted Cunningham seems. I think my oldest child might be a year or two older than his oldest – or around the same age. I generally feel completely LOST in my parenting…but even with young children, Ted Cunningham shares a depth of wisdom that is lacking in much of our culture today.

The subtitle of this book tells you a lot about what is on the inside: saving parents from performance and preparing children for something greater than themselves. I don’t know about you, but as a parent, these are 2 things that are important to me!!

First of all, what is a “trophy child?” Well, think about what a trophy is – now imagine placing your child in that position. Ugh. But, almost unknowingly so many of us as parents have done this very thing – or at some point – have treated our children as such.

These are some things that “trophy parents” might have done or felt:

• worrying about our kids behavior in public – because of what others will think
• helping with projects too much – because of what the teacher will say/think or wanting to impress the teachers/school
• being TOO involved in their sports games – personally let down by a loss OR taking credit for a win
• comparing our children to other kids 
• feeling good when our kids are attractive, smart, etc. Feeling badly when they don’t succeed or have gotten in trouble, etc. 

I don’t need another formula, what about you?? Now, I admit, I do like PRACTICAL help. But that isn’t what this book is about. This book is a heart check for parents. And I happen to think we all need that from time to time!

There are several questions at the end of each chapter that are very well thought out questions to really get to the heart of where we are as parents. The book also discusses different types of parenting: vanity, perfection, competitive, gifted (always seeing our child as the gifted one,) and companion parenting (trying to be their friend more than their parent.) I do think that most of us have *tendencies* that fall into several of these categories. The goal, however, and the heart of this book is to learn to RECOGNIZE these tendencies and work towards changing our habits.

Another thing this book strongly recommends is a hard work ethic – in children and in teenagers. This is something our current culture is badly in need of! The author speaks to allowing our children to get jobs and work hard – even if we are tempted to not want them to work too hard! ha!! Give them hard work as children, let them get jobs as teens, in fact – not only “let” them but encourage them to do so.

A few times, as I was reading this book, I felt like the author might tell me I’m sheltering my children too much, especially by homeschooling. He did not come out and say anything against homeschooling, but made quite a few comments about keeping our kids home as not being a good thing. I think sometimes as a homeschooler, because we are in the minority we feel on the defensive. So, it may have just been me on the defense because I *always* feel that way just by nature of our lifestyle. But, I just wanted to throw that in there as the only portion of this book that I didn’t wholeheartedly agree with. I do agree wholeheartedly with the fact that we, as believers, are to be a light to the world! We talk about this, pray about it and serve in many ways in our community. And we still choose to homeschool. 🙂

Overall, I think this book is very needed for parents today! I think that most of us, as parents, need heart checks from time to time…it seems that each new stage our children enter brings more opportunity for comparison and selfish motives to stir up in our own hearts. As a parent, I want my child to love and serve Jesus more than they love and serve themselves. This is the constant prayer of my heart and this book encourages me in that direction as well.