Real Life Homeschooling #18

Today we have a guest post from Janeen,  a Christian homeschooling mom to 5 blessings from God. She is passionate about history and she loves to plan and organize! They have been homeschooling for 5 years and will start a new journey this year using Tapestry of Grace. You can read more about their busy lives at Sprouting Tadpoles where Janeen writes about homeschooling, Tapestry of Grace, history, toddlers and much more. You can also connect with her on Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter.

Note from Candace: In sharing Janeen’s post, I want to encourage those of you that are divorced or possibly have an unbelieving spouse. I know that must make homeschooling so much more difficult. I pray that Janeen’s perseverance and prayers are an encouragement to you!! I am praying for you, too! 

 

Do you ever have those days when you just want to give up on homeschooling and crawl in a hole somewhere?

Do you ever feel like a complete failure and are afraid that you just might be sending your kids into therapy for most of their adult life?

I am sure most of us do, because homeschooling is hard. H.A.R.D. Hard. I have bad days and then I have really bad days. I have an ex-husband that hates homeschooling, a mother that only sees her side of things and I deal with depression. I have dealt with depression for as long as I can remember, probably since 15 years of age. So when I have days like this, I really, really beat myself up. Over and over.  I have no one to vent to or cry on. Except God. I read scripture. I talk to God. I pray. And almost immediately, something wonderful happens. One of my kids will clean something without being told, or they will take the little guys outside to play so I can relax. Or they just hug me. God shows me that I am doing what He wants  me to do. How He wants me to raise my kids, not the public school system or a daycare worker. Me. And I feel better.

The main reason these days really hit me hard is because I have no support from my family with homeschooling. I have been married twice and my three older kids are from my first marriage. My two little guys are with my husband, who does support homeschooling and is appreciative and grateful for what I do, however, my ex-husband is not. He does not believe in homeschooling or teaching them that God is the one and only creator.

I started homeschooling my daughter in 7th grade, then brought my other two boys into homeschooling a few years later. Now, I homeschool 4 children, ages 17, 12, 10 and 4. It can be pretty tough sometimes. What really frustrates me is that my ex has never taken the time to really research anything about homeschooling. He thinks that our children should experience high school as he did. They should experience the peer pressure because this will make them tough, that they need friendships above an education. He says that they won’t be able to make it in the real world. He also thinks I am brainwashing them with our beliefs in God.

I can handle his insults when they are directed at me, but I what I don’t tolerate is him directing his negativity to our kids. He discusses school with them and gives them every reason under the sun as to why they should be in public school. Then the kids come home and they are confused, sad, upset, sometimes angry at me and I have to talk with them and explain why we homeschool and what our priorities are, according to God. We pray together and they usually feel better. But the hard part is seeing them struggle internally for answers. They love and respect both me and their father and don’t want to disappoint either of us, so they struggle because they feel that homeschooling is disappointing their dad and if they went back to public school, I would be disappointed. Its a no-win situation for them and it hurts me to see them this way.

There are those days when boys will be boys and they are hyper-active, chaotic and just plain trouble makers. They don’t listen to me AT ALL! Refuse to do school work or come up with a million other things to do. Leave messes every where, won’t eat the dinner I cook and eat cereal instead. Thankfully, these days are few and far between but on the days when I feel like my world is caving in, I cannot count on their dad to give them that strong voice “mind your momma or I will come over there” attitude nor can I confide in my family.

Nope. They don’t support me very often either. The first thing my mom and brother will say to me, is “you need to put those kids back in school before you have a nervous breakdown!” This is not what I want or need to hear! No offers of babysitting help or “how can I make you feel better” help, just negativity.

Now, just to be clear, my mother loves me very much and shows me her love in a number of ways. So, when she says this to me, she honestly thinks she is helping me. My mom and I are two very different people. She doesn’t like a challenge nor does she like to struggle with anything. She will give in on things rather quickly. Me, on the other hand, I thrive on challenges and I am determined to do things to the very best of my ability. So, give up on homeschooling??? That is not an option for me and she doesn’t understand that. I have stopped bringing my problems to her when it comes to homeschooling because I feel that I have to prove her and my brother wrong, that I can handle this. And all 5 of my kids. And the housework. And the finances. And the errands and outside lessons. And the family meals. I honestly don’t know why I feel the need to prove myself, maybe it’s because society says that moms can’t do it all and why would we want to anyway????

I love homeschooling and taking care of my family. God showed me what His plan is for me and I will follow His lead, wherever it takes me. I will endure the insults and negativity of others because I know that God is there, waiting on me, blessing me and loving me. This is how I get through those bad days. I pray. I talk to God. I believe in the power of His love and I know that God is there for me every day and through every struggle. He has blessed my family in so many ways this year.

So, I don’t give up, I pull myself together and keep going. I turn to God and pray for my sanity. I also say a prayer for their father, praying that one day he will be in full agreement with our kids education and beliefs.

This homeschool mom {and so many others like me} don’t have our acts together. We aren’t as patient with our kids as we need to be, we don’t have the organizational skills of Martha Stewart. In fact, most days my husband comes home and I tell him that I just can’t do this another day.

And most of all, we are in desperate need of His new mercies…every day, every morning…every single moment.

Guest Posters wanted: the response to this post has been so great. ya’ll are great. 🙂 SO, I’m going to open up this series for GUEST POSTERS!! If you are a homeschooler and want to contribute your own “real like homeschooling” post, please email me with your post! I would like to have a picture to go with it. And if you have a blog, I will link back to you! 🙂 If you want to “grab” the picture in the top of this post, I will let you know when your post will go live and you can use this graphic as a teaser and point people here to read! I really think these will be encouraging to all of us as homeschooling mamas! I hope to share one post per week on this series!!