I recently had a no good, very bad, terrible, horrible day. {In fact, as I type this, that day is still in process.When this publishes, the bad day will be yesterday’s memory.} I’ve written before about bad days, and I’ve shared glimpses into our homeschool with the Real Life Homeschooling series.
For some reason, however, I still have lots of folks {especially at church} that seem to think my children are sooooo well behaved or close to perfect or somehow angelic. And truly, at church {and other places in public} they are. I’m grateful. I really am.
I’m not coming here today to share with you how awful my children were. {Though, let’s just say broken pencils, torn workbook pages, thrown workbooks and refusing to go into a piano lesson were involved. Ahem.} I love my kids dearly and feel blessed by who they are becoming. This post really isn’t about them. It’s about me. I fall apart with a bad day. The enemy gets in my mind and those negative thoughts of failure come at me, blow after blow.
My purpose in coming to this little place on the web today is to just flesh out what happens AFTER the bad day. What do I do next? Is there any possible way to redeem this day?? I’m asking myself those same questions. Typing it all out helps me sort through my feelings and what I know to be true.
“I’ll make up for the years of the locust,
the great locust devastation—
Locusts savage, locusts deadly,
fierce locusts, locusts of doom,
That great locust invasion
I sent your way.
You’ll eat your fill of good food.
You’ll be full of praises to your God,
The God who has set you back on your heels in wonder.
Never again will my people be despised.
You’ll know without question
that I’m in the thick of life with Israel,
That I’m your God, yes, your God,
the one and only real God.
Never again will my people be despised.”
from Joel 2, The Message
In some versions of the Bible we see the word redeem or restore in place of “I’ll make up for…” and all of those words bring me HOPE. Our God truly is a God of redemption, yes?
So, when the enemy tries to grab ahold of my mind with thoughts like…
“I’m such a failure at this mom thing”… or “My kids are going to grow up and be the most dysfunctional adults ever known to mankind”… or “I’m just being very stubborn and should just put the kids in school. Maybe they will learn something then!”
When the enemy puts those lies into my mind, I HAVE TO FIGHT. And I will be the first to tell you that the fighting against the negative and against the enemy?? That is very hard for me. The negative thoughts are where my mind focuses. Having struggled with depression, sometimes the hope is very hard to find. I know this. Some days I’m more prepared for the battle.
His mercies are new every morning.
Sometimes that truth is easier to believe. But, every day it is truth. My feelings don’t determine truth.
So, for today, I’m going to cling to His promise that His mercy really is new every morning. I am going to preach the gospel to myself. I’m going to be grateful that the Lord shows me my own wickedness and my desperate need for a Savior. I’m going to keep praying and begging God to let my children see Jesus and that desperate need for Him in me.
Just how has God redeemed this day?
Well, to be quite honest, I’m not sure this particular day is going to turn wonderful. 🙂 But, that’s ok.
God’s redemptive work? It’s in me. God is busy redeeming my heart. Moment by moment. Argument after argument. Torn checklist after torn checklist. Thrown pencil after thrown pencil. God is redeeming my heart…He is winning my heart…He is showing me that no matter how I blow it with my kids, His love for me remains strong and sure. He is faithful.