Homeschooling is hard.
Mothering is hard.
This being at home with my kids and teaching them, day in and day out, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. In my life. Ever. And amen.
I have a confession to make to you today. I’m going to share with you something that you won’t read on many other homeschooling blogs. (because they are a lot smarter than me to not bring it up! ha!)
I don’t love it.
There, I said it. Outloud. I wish I did love it, but I don’t.
I don’t love homeschooling. Most days, I don’t enjoy it. It makes me sad to say that…but at this stage in our lives, it’s true. Back in the kindergarten & crafts stage, I did love it. I’m a former kindergarten teacher and I guess that was just my favorite age.
But now? I have had serious doubts. I have prayed and begged God to give me another option. I have actually looked into other options. But I have no peace about any other option.
All the fighting my kids do, seemingly non-stop. The middle school hormones have started. The annoying little brother has showed up big time. The arguments over clothing, food and free time options have begun. It’s not fun. I’m no good at this. And for some reason, my kids seem to have minds and opinions of their own! Ha! Who told them they could do that???
But, here is what it boils down to…
I homeschool my children because God called me to do so.
I don’t homeschool my children because I’m a good teacher. (or even better than public school teachers. I’m not.)
I don’t homeschool my children because I’m super patient.
I don’t homeschool my children because I find such joy in serving my family. (ouch)
I don’t homeschool my children because I’m so organized and just love having everything under control. (ha)
I’m not good at this. I mess up everyday. I get frustrated with my children and they see it in me. I apologize and apologize again 5 minutes later.
And, this is the verse I cling to:
“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, than I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
I love my children. I truly feel blessed to be living this life. I’m so thankful. I’m thankful because God shows me my weakness and I know that I am totally and completely dependent on Him to do a good work in the hearts of my children. I continue to place my FAITH in Him and the promise He has made to me to finish what He has begun.
Click over to read all of the Real Life Homeschooling series.
Guest Posters wanted: the response to this post has been so great. ya’ll are great. 🙂 SO, I’m going to open up this series for GUEST POSTERS!! If you are a homeschooler and want to contribute your own “real like homeschooling” post, please email me with your post! I would like to have a picture to go with it. And if you have a blog, I will link back to you! 🙂 If you want to “grab” the picture in the top of this post, I will let you know when your post will go live and you can use this graphic as a teaser and point people here to read! I really think these will be encouraging to all of us as homeschooling mamas! I hope to share one post per week on this series!!
I have been wanting to blog about homeschooling high school when your teens are begging to go to public school. But relationship with oldest daughter is strained enough already (just pushing to get her work done before graduation) that I don’t want to say anything that shames her.
In a perfect world, she’d have stayed on top of her subjects so we weren’t in this position. In a perfect world, she’d have been reasonable and been willing to wait to have a ceremony until later in summer, but she was too embarrassed about being homeschooled and wanted her grad party the same weekend as her friends to minimize teh differences. She promised to be done, so we planned, announced, etc.
Now with only 11 days left, it looks like our speeches will tweak to say “will graduate” and her diploma will be unsigned … or else we just have a party and don’t display/present the unsigned diploma at all so as not to embarrass her. There will be changes … more checkpoints for high school students, and a delayed ceremony if behind … with future kids.
Homeschooling has been SO HARD in the past four years as my biggest opposition was within my own home, from my oldest two children. But how do you blog about that when people you know read your blog? How do you blog about that w/o shaming your teens? I need to. I need to be real for other homeschool parents. I probably will later this summer.
How do you rejoice in graduating your first child, when she still blames you for homeschooling her, blames you for her not dating, not having “awards”, not being able to get as many scholarships, letting her fall behind, making her weird, etc.? I have to rejoice in the fact that she’s done, that she’s ready for college academically (though maybe not in her ability to schedule her time), and know that she still has some hard lessons to learn on her own in college. I do rejoice that even though she still blames me, she still opens up and talks to me. And her last two months at home should be less stressful as the school aspect is removed from our relationship.
Thanks for being real. It is hard to be home with fighting kids all day, with kids who push boundaries on clothes, time-use, television viewing, etc. We did slowly release reins on what our oldest two read and watched, letting them make decisions, reminding them to be accountable to God. We did walk away from dresses only (as our oldest reached junior high), and though I don’t regret that, I do regret how the shorts got shorter and shorter. But it was a tug-of-war the whole way through.
Just remember, that no one else sees those battles. Everyone else sees the fine, responsible, well-behaved children you have. You have to let yourself see that, too. It’s easy to focus on the battles instead, and forget how “good” our kids really are.
April, I sent you a facebook message in case you don’t see my reply here. But THANK YOU for sharing. Praying for your momma’s heart to be encouraged today!!
Thank you for sharing this, April. I am just now beginning the high school years with my son. I gave him the option to go to public school next year for high school and he chose to stay at home. Not because he loves being homeschooled, because he fights me every step of the way, but because he doesn’t want to lose that free time he has. I doesn’t want to miss out on TV time, I pod time, time outside, etc. The main reason he wanted to go to public school is for the social time. I, too, would love to see him responsible enough to keep up on his studies, on his own, with no badgering from me. I pray that after 4 years, he will be responsible and mature enough for college.
Thank you also, Candace, for this series. I love reading the new posts every week.
Sorry. I don’t know why it says unknown. The above post was Jodi Small
I love your honesty! It IS hard and it is NOT always easy but you are pleasing The Lord by your obedience. May He bless you richly with patience and mercy everyday. Keep your eyes on HIm, Candace…you are doing better than you think, I am sure.
Michele, thank you for your encouragement. So many times my eyes are off the Lord and on myself…I need that reminder. thank you!
I can COMPLETELY relate to this post and your feelings. I struggle with this regularly too. It’s hard. Homeschooling is emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. Bless you for following the call that God has placed on your heart for this – even if it’s not exactly easy.
Lisa, thank you so much for letting me know I’m not alone. 🙂 I appreciate you stopping by and commenting.
I have to admit my love for homeschooling has diminished over the years. In the elementary years I loved it. Learning through literature took us on an amazing learning journey. It is hard, but everything worth pursuing is hard. Just like being healthy and fit-there is a plan, there is pain in disciplining my body to not eat a lot of sugar, to try to walk and exercise. I know that God will accomplish his purposes through it. I too have prayed for help and other options. (my son struggles so much because he wants to play football so badly and it isn’t an option.) I am really thankful for a co-op this year that will give me help this year. Having teachers available for my kids is really an answer to prayer. I know that my son needs to begin to learn to become accountable to other teachers for grades. I know it will help him step up to a higher level.
I recently received a wonderfully honest comment on my blog, in response to a question about planning, from a lady who did confess to not loving to homeschool. I am not sure I always love it (I do love being with my kids:)), but I have been at this for 20 years now, so it is what I know. My youngest is now nine and I do wonder what life after homeschool will look like. I have enjoyed your series!!
(((Hugs))) You’re not the only one. Some days it seems like the worst idea ever.
It’s not an easy choice, but it’s the best choice when you know that the Lord has called you to it. Thanks for sharing your heart here. The part about them having their own minds and opinions made me laugh. I can relate! =0)
I live in 1000 sq ft home with 3 boys and #4 due in a month. My oldest is 7. This our second year. I suffer with depression as well. I am only doing this out of obedience to the Lord. Thank you for sharing. Makes me feel like less of a failure and just a human covered by God’s grace