So Long, Insecurity! Week Two

I’ve been anticipating this book coming out for a few months now. Our women’s ministry has been very busy planning the So Long, Insecurity simulcast that will be coming on April 24th. I had feeling, immediately, that this book was going to be good for me. I just had a feeling that God was up to something good.

Now that I have read 4 chapters, I’m feeling a little differently about it. As I underline several things on each page, as I try to make note of what God is showing me, as I pray for God to heal my insecurities and make me WHOLE and SECURE in Him alone, I am finding that I’m already feeling defeated. I feel like I am SO messed up that there is just no way for me to just read a book and become secure.

Now, I know that in and of myself I am incapable of making any lifelong changes. And, I’m not saying that God isn’t BIG and MIGHTY enough to change ANYONE. I don’t know…I just am feeling rather defeated after seeing just how many things are messed up in me. Maybe I need a little more counseling than just a book. hee hee. 🙂

{Maybe, just maybe, I need God to perform a miracle in my life! Anyone else?}

This week on Beth Moore’s blog, she posted the questions for Week 2 of our discussion, chapters 3 and 4. Here are my answers:

1. Based on Chapter Three, what tends to be your own “Prominent False Positive”?

My answer: As I read the pages with the false positives on them, I saw several that could have described me. But, I think the one I struggle with the most is Appearance/Weight. Up until having kids I never struggled with my weight. And now, struggling with depression, being on antidepressants and just having had 3 kids in 3 years, I struggle with weight all the time. But, in trying to look back at the time in my life BEFORE I struggled, even then I struggled with my appearance. I’ve never liked my freckles. I’ve never been satisfied with my hair. You get the point…so, I think this would have to be my most prominent false positive.

2. What is the challenge stated at the very end of Chapter Three?

My Answer: The challenge is to allow God’s truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we’ll also see the treasure we are. (LOVE THIS! I think I need to print it out for display.)

3. Based on Chapter Four, what Biblical figure (or statement about him/her) resonated with you most and why?

My Answer: Well, I had certain thoughts/feelings underlined for each Biblical character that Beth mentioned in the book. I think the one that stood out the most to me was Saul. His feelings of insecurity caused conflicted feelings about other people. The very people he was feeling insecure because of, he admired…yet he also despised. I would not say I despise anyone, but I feel very very conflicted about people. Relationships confuse me. I never know if my feelings are messed up because of me, because of the other person or if we’re all just so messed up that I can’t have a normal relationship. HA!

Something I realized a few weeks ago is that I think I have trouble sustaining relationships. When I say relationships, I am mostly meaning friendships. I moved a lot as a child (not trying to blame you, mom and dad!) went to a different elementary school every year…then high school, then moved away to college, and college itself is full of people moving in and out. Then changing churches.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to be a good friend or sustain that relationship. These conflicted feelings I feel are mostly bound up in my own self. But, it causes me to have conflicted feelings about the other “person” in a relationship too. I don’t call people because the thought in my head is that they don’t want to talk to me. (yes, seriously.) Plus, I’m not a good conversationalist…I just feel like I don’t have much to say or wouldn’t know WHAT to say.

Probably waaaaaaaaay more information than you wanted. 🙂 But, I’m learning that being transparent helps us all to grow. Authenticity is how we encourage each other too. Maybe someone will read this and think, “Oh! I’m not alone afterall!” (Then again, everyone may read this and think, “Whoa, this girl needs some serious help!”) 🙂

For today, I’m going to dwell on that challenge that Beth shared in Chapter 3. Take it one day, one prayer at a time. God, change me. Help me to rest in You and the knowledge that You created me, You know me, and You love me.

“When we allow God’s truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we’ll also see the treasure we are. And the beauty of our God will be upon us. (Psalm 90:17.)”

Just so you know, this post has been sitting with my drafts. I’m a little insecure about pushing the “publish” button. LOL! Bein’ real here!