Friends, I don’t know what words might spill out in this post…all I know is that I must write it. I need your thoughts and insight. So, I come here to ask…
How do you feel about “the shoulds?”
I should do this.
I should do that.
I should be keeping the nursery on a regular basis at church.
I should be singing in the choir.
I should be doing more with my kids academically.
I should be giving my kids more exercise.
I should definitely be exercising more myself. A lot more.
I should be baking bread, after all, I got a Bosch. Just for baking bread.
I should be cooking more healthy meals.
I should be more frugal.
I should save more and spend less.
I should care less about myself.
I should think less about myself.
I should help the homeless more.
I should be giving more to the needy.
I should be reaching out to my neighbors on a regular basis.
I should be calling friends who are hurting right now.
I should be sending more notes of encouragement in the mail.
I should be playing with my children.
I should be spending less time on the computer.
I should bake more muffins so my kids can have a healthy breakfast.
I should clean my house more. A lot more.
I should be teaching a Sunday school class.
I should be involved in a homeschool co-op so my kids can have friends.
I should arrange more playdates for my kids.
So, how do you know the difference between GUILT and CONVICTION?
How do you know what you really SHOULD be doing and where you should just say no and rest in God?
I have learned to say no over the past few years. I came out of a deep depression and burn-out season…God taught me how to say no. I’ve said no.
And, God has shown me time and time again over the past year that when I’m too busy with my life’s “stuff” I end up too busy for HIM. I have peace with that. I know it’s ok to not be involved in every little thing. I’m ok with that. I have loved so much being home more and having more time for Bible study, reading great books and prayer.
However, I still have all these little “shoulds” in my life. Everything I listed above I have felt today. A few times. And yesterday. And there are a few more that I haven’t listed.
So, sometimes I’m ok with not doing everything, and then sometimes I read passages like James 1:22, and think of all that I’m not doing.
“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” James 1:22
And passages like Isaiah 58 that describe what is pleasing to the Lord.
“Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter – when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?” Isaiah 58:6-7
One other thing to mention is that many of these things I want to be doing. They aren’t bad, negative guilty feelings attached to each of those items, though they are with some. Some of those items I legitimately want to be doing.
I can’t do it all. I know this. I accept this. 🙂 I acknowledge that no mom can. I am not super mom. I am ok with this. Like I said, some days I am fine with where I am…some days I’m not. I guess today is one of those days, so I figured I’d ask you how you deal with it?! And yes, this is definitely a matter of ongoing prayer in my life!
How do I deal with the shoulds? How do you deal with them?
Candace, these are doubts and nagging thoughts that we all have. Take every thought captive. You know you can’t do all these things. Remember to everything there is a season, and like the Proverbs 31 woman- you do the things that are right for that season. I try to remember that doing every single good thing prevents me from doing the great things greatly. Thoughts and prayers.
I was coming to comment something similar to the previous poster…. I have to daily choose the Best things…most of the time, it is routine “stuff”. It is not very often that my life allows me to do the extras. That’s OK…there will be time later (unless He returns before:) ) to do all that other stuff. He only gives me enough time and energy in a day to do well the things He has for me. The rest is on my “someday” list. Honestly, I do almost nothing outside my home…no co-op, no church leadership, few other activities. You could involve your children in many of those things that you mentioned. Frugality: I put one child in charge of the coupons for each store I go to and let that one child be my helper in that store and explain along the way about being good stewards of our money. Have your children sit with you and write (or copy) notes to their friends to mail, while you do it–discuss about bearing each other’s burdens and what makes a true friend, etc……, have your children help you bake up several batches of muffins/waffles/whatever for breakfasts. Freeze some and you’ll have them to pull out for a good long while. Oh, I’m just rambling…I just saw your list and thought “Wow. Most of that goes on in my mind, too. I just have my children go right along with it all 🙂 “
I think we all have these thoughts from time to time! How necessary it is to remind ourselves that the only thing God says we “should” do is to seek Him with our whole heart. When we seek Him first… all these things will be added… Here’s my take on all the “shoulds” written about in James…
http://bywayofgrace.blogspot.com/2009/01/surrender_30.html
I Love reading your blog! Thanks for all of your heart-felt sharing.
Hi Candace-
I gave you an award-love your blog-
http://homeschoolingtheirhearts.blogspot.com/2010/04/sunshine-award.html