7 pounds down, many more to go. This post may be all over the place, if so, I apologize in advance. 🙂 But, it’s time for me to be real. It’s time for me to be honest as an act of accountability in keeping this battle going strong. And, let me tell you, it is a battle.
I have a love/hate relationship with food. Let’s be honest, I love it too much and don’t hate it quite enough. 🙂 And right at this moment I am discouraged.
This is hard. I don’t like it. I don’t like not eating any of the foods I love. I don’t like very many veggies at all. I’m tired of salad. I’m tired of searching for proteins and having water with my meals. And this journey has only just begun. Depressing, huh?
“It’s not the ‘how to’ I’m missing. It’s the ‘want to’…really wanting to make changes and deciding that the results of those changes are worth the sacrifice.” –Lysa TerKeurst, from the Introduction of Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food
.
.This is exactly my problem, like I mentioned in my overview of the book. I know what I need to do…eat less carbs and sugar, eat more veggies, exercise more. Yada. Yada.Yada. Pardon my lack of enthusiasm.
I am at the stage now where I’m determined – and the first 7 pounds gone is a *teensy* bit encouraging. (I’m encouraged, yes, but my weight has not budged since January though I’ve been off and on determined since then. ha!) I’m thankful that for the first time my weight is budging…I’m thankful for the grace that is getting me to the community center to walk/jog on those treadmills. I’m thankful for the increase in energy that I am finally seeing, which I have been asking God to grant me for months now.
But, I still am yearning to want to live a healthier lifestyle. I want to want it so badly. But, sometimes I want the french fries and ice cream a little bit more. And, that is just where I’m at right now.
I also want to mention the dirty little “d” word that I haven’t mentioned around here in quite awhile. Depression. Yep…it does go along with this. I *think* my anti-depressant has helped my weight gain along. I’m not saying it is ALL the fault of lexapro. I am admitting that I like carbs, sugar and fries too much. But, it does seem that when I’m on this med (which has definitely been a lifesaver as far as my mental health goes) that my weight creeps up.
So…I am attempting to wean off of my lexapro. Please pray for me. Seriously. I am begging God to let me be “ok” off of this med…I want it so badly. I know it’s ok if I do need it (or something else) in the future. I have mentioned on this blog many times, and if you are a long time reader, you know I am not against anti-depressants. I have been off and on (mostly on) lexapro for nearly 6 years now. It has saved my sanity. Truly.
But, I feel like it’s time. Actually, the side effects are just starting to wear me out. It makes me extra tired. It makes me gain weight. It makes me hot. all.the.time. I sweat in the mornings when I get ready and it is awful…it makes me wonder why I just took a shower. 🙂
Anyway…so it’s all tied in together…and I think that is a big part of what God is showing me…my mental health, my emotions, my spiritual health, my walk with Him, my physical body and it’s well-being…all of it goes together. And, I need to do a better job of taking care of all of those components.
One more side note that does go along with all this is that I am seeing a licensed nurse that practices natural medicine from an office in her home. I have been seeing her for a few months and finally, FINALLY I can see a difference in how I feel. I am encouraged by that as well…
So, there are good things. But, tonight…as I’m just getting back from our local community center where I burned a lousy 300 calories and sweated like a mad-woman while walk/jogging for 30 minutes, I wonder…will I ever begin to enjoy this?? I don’t know. Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t. But for now, I’m keeping on keeping on. I know that not everything in life is enjoyable!!
I am thinking on the truth from Lysa’s book that we are made to crave something. I crave certain foods, I realize this. Lysa mentions later in this book that there are many scientific studies that show certain foods do lend themselves to becoming addictive. {Why, oh why, are those all the foods I crave??} So, I’m thankful that I am not alone in this battle, but it just doesn’t make it easier, ya know??
So, for now, to sum up…
A few goals (which are also prayer requests, thank you for praying for me!!)
- wean off lexapro successfully
- continue eating vegetables daily (this is very hard for me!)
- no sweets
- very few carbs
- more protein
- no soda
- exercise several times per week (I’m aiming at every other day minimum, but even if it is only a few times a week, I’m ok with that for now)
- more prayer, less thinking about food (this is another great point from Lysa’s book that we will discuss in a later chapter)
- continue on the natural supplements and vitamins
- to begin to crave the good foods and be happier eating them (not sure if this is wishful thinking or not, but I am praying that way none-the-less)
I know this is long. If you have made it this far, bless you. There is still more I want to say, but this is only the beginning of the book and I will share more as I blog about further chapters. Like I mentioned before, this book is just so good…I’m thankful for the perspective I am gaining.
I will leave you with a quote from a chapter near the end of the book, but it really encouraged me tonight…
“What if this whole journey of getting healthy could be more about what we’re in the process of gaining than what we’re losing? In the midst of losing chips and chocolate, there are things to be gained. Things that unleash my weighted down soul, reinflate my defeated attitude, and set loose a hope that maybe, just maybe, I can.” — Lysa TerKeurst, from Made to Crave, Ch. 18.
, Ch. 18.