For me, it has been an encouragement (and relief) to finally figure out and accept that life is a journey. Our walk with God…a journey. Our marriages…a journey. Parenting, learning, messing up as a mom, seeking forgiveness…a journey. I wasn’t supposed to “arrive” yesterday or when I hit 30 or when my kids reached a certain age. I have found relief in realizing that life is a journey…and I won’t reach my final destination (in any of these realms) until I see my Savior face to face. It’s ok for me to still be weak, in fact, I think that is right where He wants me to be, so that He can show His strength. 🙂
This thing called depression…all a part of that journey. Lately, as I have been sharing, God has been allowing me a glimpse into my own heart to realize a fear that has been growing in me.
What if I struggle and battle this thing called depression for the rest of my life? What if I always struggle?
There it is. That is the fear that has been creeping up in my thoughts recently. You see, the first time I struggled with depression, 4 years ago, the meds kicked in…the counseling was helpful, and in a few months, I was better.
This time around, not so much. And I worry. I fear. I get scared when I think about what this could be doing to my kids. I get scared thinking about passing on these things to my kids. I pray fervently that God would protect their hearts and minds.
In one of her Bible studies, Beth Moore asked us to do something with our worst fear…and this keeps coming back to me. She said WHAT IF your worst fear came true? WHAT IF it really happened? Let yourself think through that possibility…
And you know what? WHAT IF I struggle with depression for the rest of my life? No, that is not a pretty picture…but the treasure that I cling to is that God has been faithful in the past, He has not changed, He loves me…and I trust His plan for my life. I trust that if He allows me to struggle, it is or a purpose greater than I can see or imagine.
What fears do you need to face?
What fears do you need to allow yourself to think through?
WHAT IF your wayward child never comes to the Lord?
WHAT IF your marriage is never good?
WHAT IF your spouse never turns into a spiritual leader?
WHAT IF your special needs child never gains independence?
WHAT IF you never get that pay raise that would secure your future?
WHAT IF the job you love falls through?
WHAT IF the cancer comes back?
WHAT IF you never hold a long-awaited and desperately wanted baby in your arms?
WHAT IF your spouse leaves?
Now, I’m completely serious. What if those things really did happen? Would you be scared? Yes. Would you be sad? Yes. Would you think you couldn’t face another day? Possibly.
But, what would you know without a doubt? Could you find hope?
I don’t know what tomorrow holds…but this I know:
God is good.
God is faithful.
I trust Him.
No matter what.
I trust His plan for my life.
The good, the bad, the horrible.
I trust Him.
My God is the same. Yesterday, today, forever.
He loves me.