Scrolling through my Facebook feed, I sat and waited to get off the phone. I sat and listened as my mom retold me things from our previous conversation from the other day. She could hardly be blamed for repetition. Life was focused on recovery from brain surgery to remove a tumor. I listened to her and waited once again. I waited for her recovery to end so I could have my mom back. Selfish thoughts of finally going on the weekend getaway we planned together after recovery were interrupted by “Richele, I should let you go.”
I hung up but I couldn’t quite shake the feeling of her words. Her voice cracked when she said, “Richele, I should let you go.” Was I crazy or did that sound more than letting me go from a phone conversation? I didn’t know it then but these words and the sound of her voice would be replayed in my mind countless times. These were the last words she spoke to me.
The call came early on a Sunday morning. We rushed to the hospital to wait. Wait for miraculous recovery or death. The doctors were clear that she would never wake from her coma. But they were wrong. She would wake up in Heaven within 12 short hours.
My mother used to say her life was spent waiting. She waited for people to change. She waited for circumstances to change. She waited for a diagnosis. She waited for answers. Now, she was waiting to meet her Savior.
It is an odd feeling to wait for someone to die. A dark part of my heart thought it would be easier if the waiting was over. I was wrong. It wasn’t easier. Now, I waited to get through the funeral.
During these periods of waiting, I wondered why God didn’t step in sooner. Why must I wait for His love to bind my wounds and turn ashes into beauty?
Abraham waited until he was 100 years old to have a son.
Moses waited 40 years in the desert.
David was on the run for 8 years.
Waiting builds our faith and intimacy with God. During times of waiting we learn to depend on God. Our patience is strengthening and we begin to understand long suffering. If we aren’t careful we will miss it. We will be insistent that time on our knees has been wasted. We will look to ourselves or an outside source to find immediate relief.
God used family to express His love while I waited in my mom’s hospital room.
God showed me that I needed only Him to find relief from anxiety.
I never felt God so present in my life as during the waiting periods. During times of trial it isn’t that God is more present it is that we seek Him and realize He has always been there. He uses the waiting periods to refine us and transform our character; to make us more like Him.
Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. -Psalm 27:14
When you find yourself in one of life’s many waiting rooms, do not lose hope nor think God has stopped listening. Use this time to rest in His arms and allow Him to fill you with strength and wisdom. During my time of wait, I spent in the Word and praying. Intimacy and dependence on God grew along with a feeling of overwhelming love. These feelings were not immediate but grew with time as I surrendered my heart and will.
Richele is a homeschooling mom with on the job training in grading math, teaching phonics, and cleaning up glitter, in between making dinner and folding laundry. Her desire to encourage moms led her to create the blog, Under the Golden Apple Tree. Her dreams of hex color codes and love of fonts led to her to create her design business, Crisp Apple Design.