“Life is a maelstrom of decisions. And if the decisions don’t get to you, the pressure will…Although life before a sovereign God assures us that God is in control, accomplishing his good plans even through our poor choices, it is easy to lose sight of this reality. When we do, we can feel as if an unwise decision has forever doomed us to a path that is second best.” Edward Welch, Chapter 12, Depression: Looking Up from the Stubborn Darkness
Decision Making While Depressed Can Be Crippling
Making so many decisions in short amounts of time brings me down, I grow very weary. And these aren’t big decisions I’m talking about, I mean, my kids asking me, “can I have a bowl of ice cream” wear me down. And that sounds so crazy to me!! But, a quick glimpse into my brain of late…so, my child asks for ice cream, immediately I try to remember what other sweets they have had that day, I start thinking of how I’m ruining their diet because I give in to their requests for sweets too often, then I think what a bad example I am to be eating ice cream late at night as a treat, then I wonder how the next day is going to fair if we’ve all had too much sugar today. I mean the thoughts.don’t.stop. The racing thoughts? That is anxiety.
For me, the anxiety comes with the depression. I’m not sure which came first, the chicken or the egg, but I know they generally come together for me. Decision making is a HUGE part of the evidence of this in my life.
Worry over wrong decisions cripples me. To be honest, worry over SIMPLE decisions can cripple me. So, needless to say, this summer, with our decision to send our kids to school, I’ve had waves of panic and questioning myself and WHAT AM I THINKING!?!? 🙂 Does anyone else know what this feels like? Oh, please tell me you do!
But, I have to say that the grace of God has STEPPED IN big time. He is teaching me to say, “I trust You” every.single.time those fears and worries creep in. And, honestly, I’m getting better at it! It does take PRACTICE and you are creating a HABIT. But try it, say it and pray it all day long, “I trust You, God. I trust You. I trust You.”
For me, it’s a lesson in trust. Learning to let go. Giving up the false idea that I had control. Surrender.
It’s also a lesson in training my mind to fix my eyes on Jesus. To gaze on His beauty. To remind myself of His love for me that is unconditional. To think on things that are lovely, noble, right, pure. I have such a long way to go, but I’m so thankful for the opportunities to grow in this area of my life, especially with this difficult summer we’ve had.
What about you? Do decisions and/or fear cripple you? Have you found “a cure?”
More posts from this book
- from Chapter 4 ~ Nothing Happens Apart From His Will
- from Chapter 4 ~ Suffering Has a Purpose
- from Chapter 6 ~ The Words He Gives Us
- from Chapter 6 ~ Hope Takes Practice
- from Chapter 10 ~ Perseverance through Struggles
- from Chapter 10 ~ Perseverance Isn’t Flashy
3 Years Off of Anti-Depressants
I would love for you to read an update now that I have been off all of my anti-depressants for 3 years and am thriving. God has been so good to me. My mindset has changed. My health has changed. We are never truly hopeless if we have Christ. We have the power of the Holy Spirit living within us giving us the power to make the steps necessary to BE TRANSFORMED.
I overthink things to death too. Sometimes I just ask my husband though that isn’t always reliable either as he forgets what he says. Like you said, I have to trust in the grace of God to cover missteps and that He will work out ALL things together for our good! Thank you for your continual reminders to stay in the Word. It’s so important for everyone, but especially those who struggle.
My husband is no better! LOL! He doesn’t struggle with depression he just is a totally laid back person who honestly DOES NOT CARE about most decisions either way. ha! That will make ya crazy too. 🙂
Wow. I struggle with this too but never knew it was another symptom of my anxiety/depression!
Jamie, I’m sure it could be other things too, but for me, I have noticed this symptom is SO MUCH WORSE when I’m struggling. 🙁
I’m so guilty of this too. I’m working hard on trusting Jesus with the outcomes, but I still struggle with the decisions. (Especially the kids asking for stuff like your example!) We’ve talked briefly on instagram (I’m amy2hearts) so you know I know what you mean about school. I asked myself multiple times WHAT AM I DOING? when putting them in school and I think I’m asking it even more now that they are home again, LOL. Wish we could meet for tea and chat about it. 🙂
Amy, thanks for stopping by and making the instagram connection for me. 🙂 I wish we could meet and chat also!! Sounds like we have a lot in common. 🙂 The small decisions are the ones that make me crazy. I want to scream at myself — does it really matter?!? I guess deep down somewhere I think it DOES matter and I think on it over and over again. Ugh. It’s a curse! LOL!
Yes! I mean, an ice cream shouldn’t matter, but I connect everything to everything else, and it really does matter! e.g. an ice cream might make them energetic and then they might have trouble homeschooling and then we’ll struggle with math and get more behind not to mention the guilt that one dd can’t eat the same ice cream as us and then what about the gut health and maybe if we never get through math well enough they won’t get into the high school we want near dh’s work, yadda yadda yadda, LOL! I’m “laughing” but in my head it’s so serious and not funny. I’m guessing you can relate. And then I feel stupid for getting worked up over one ice cream or playtime outside or letting them choose their reading book vs. me assigning or or or…
OMG, I am so glad I found your blog! So much in common. I have anxiety with my depression and decision making has been torturous. I had the same problem when deciding to send them to school! But I know it is what the Lord wants. He has stripped me of everything near and dear to my heart so that I have had to acknowledge my shear dependence on him. I am a former control freak, and He is asking me to trust too. I have a blog for burnt out homeschooling moms, moms considering homeschooling, and former homeschooling moms. Please stop by and share your experiences. I find that there are many moms racked with guilt over making the decision to put kids in school. Many of the ones I have met online are struggling with depression and anxiety as well.
Thank you for posting this!I just wanted to say I think this is a beautifully honest post and thank you for sharing your story. It resonates with me in various ways. You seem like a very gracious person with a big heart and I am excited to be discovering your blog.
We are also same in this business.
We provides Kidney Stones Homeopathic Treatment in Chandigarh.
http://holachospital.com/
Thank for this post. we just want to homeopathic treatment is good for kidney problem. kidney problem can easily be treated with homeopathic treatment.
thanks for such a wonderful post, I am also into depression and it is not right to make this decision at this point and it creates lots of painful. it will only worsen the condition
Depression is really painful and mysterious medical problem and it needs to be treated seriously. thanks for sharing this wonderful blog.