7 pounds down, many more to go. This post may be all over the place, if so, I apologize in advance. 🙂 But, it’s time for me to be real. It’s time for me to be honest as an act of accountability in keeping this battle going strong. And, let me tell you, it is a battle.
I have a love/hate relationship with food. Let’s be honest, I love it too much and don’t hate it quite enough. 🙂 And right at this moment I am discouraged.
This is hard. I don’t like it. I don’t like not eating any of the foods I love. I don’t like very many veggies at all. I’m tired of salad. I’m tired of searching for proteins and having water with my meals. And this journey has only just begun. Depressing, huh?
“It’s not the ‘how to’ I’m missing. It’s the ‘want to’…really wanting to make changes and deciding that the results of those changes are worth the sacrifice.” –Lysa TerKeurst, from the Introduction of Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food
.
.This is exactly my problem, like I mentioned in my overview of the book. I know what I need to do…eat less carbs and sugar, eat more veggies, exercise more. Yada. Yada.Yada. Pardon my lack of enthusiasm.
I am at the stage now where I’m determined – and the first 7 pounds gone is a *teensy* bit encouraging. (I’m encouraged, yes, but my weight has not budged since January though I’ve been off and on determined since then. ha!) I’m thankful that for the first time my weight is budging…I’m thankful for the grace that is getting me to the community center to walk/jog on those treadmills. I’m thankful for the increase in energy that I am finally seeing, which I have been asking God to grant me for months now.
But, I still am yearning to want to live a healthier lifestyle. I want to want it so badly. But, sometimes I want the french fries and ice cream a little bit more. And, that is just where I’m at right now.
I also want to mention the dirty little “d” word that I haven’t mentioned around here in quite awhile. Depression. Yep…it does go along with this. I *think* my anti-depressant has helped my weight gain along. I’m not saying it is ALL the fault of lexapro. I am admitting that I like carbs, sugar and fries too much. But, it does seem that when I’m on this med (which has definitely been a lifesaver as far as my mental health goes) that my weight creeps up.
So…I am attempting to wean off of my lexapro. Please pray for me. Seriously. I am begging God to let me be “ok” off of this med…I want it so badly. I know it’s ok if I do need it (or something else) in the future. I have mentioned on this blog many times, and if you are a long time reader, you know I am not against anti-depressants. I have been off and on (mostly on) lexapro for nearly 6 years now. It has saved my sanity. Truly.
But, I feel like it’s time. Actually, the side effects are just starting to wear me out. It makes me extra tired. It makes me gain weight. It makes me hot. all.the.time. I sweat in the mornings when I get ready and it is awful…it makes me wonder why I just took a shower. 🙂
Anyway…so it’s all tied in together…and I think that is a big part of what God is showing me…my mental health, my emotions, my spiritual health, my walk with Him, my physical body and it’s well-being…all of it goes together. And, I need to do a better job of taking care of all of those components.
One more side note that does go along with all this is that I am seeing a licensed nurse that practices natural medicine from an office in her home. I have been seeing her for a few months and finally, FINALLY I can see a difference in how I feel. I am encouraged by that as well…
So, there are good things. But, tonight…as I’m just getting back from our local community center where I burned a lousy 300 calories and sweated like a mad-woman while walk/jogging for 30 minutes, I wonder…will I ever begin to enjoy this?? I don’t know. Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t. But for now, I’m keeping on keeping on. I know that not everything in life is enjoyable!!
I am thinking on the truth from Lysa’s book that we are made to crave something. I crave certain foods, I realize this. Lysa mentions later in this book that there are many scientific studies that show certain foods do lend themselves to becoming addictive. {Why, oh why, are those all the foods I crave??} So, I’m thankful that I am not alone in this battle, but it just doesn’t make it easier, ya know??
So, for now, to sum up…
A few goals (which are also prayer requests, thank you for praying for me!!)
- wean off lexapro successfully
- continue eating vegetables daily (this is very hard for me!)
- no sweets
- very few carbs
- more protein
- no soda
- exercise several times per week (I’m aiming at every other day minimum, but even if it is only a few times a week, I’m ok with that for now)
- more prayer, less thinking about food (this is another great point from Lysa’s book that we will discuss in a later chapter)
- continue on the natural supplements and vitamins
- to begin to crave the good foods and be happier eating them (not sure if this is wishful thinking or not, but I am praying that way none-the-less)
I know this is long. If you have made it this far, bless you. There is still more I want to say, but this is only the beginning of the book and I will share more as I blog about further chapters. Like I mentioned before, this book is just so good…I’m thankful for the perspective I am gaining.
I will leave you with a quote from a chapter near the end of the book, but it really encouraged me tonight…
“What if this whole journey of getting healthy could be more about what we’re in the process of gaining than what we’re losing? In the midst of losing chips and chocolate, there are things to be gained. Things that unleash my weighted down soul, reinflate my defeated attitude, and set loose a hope that maybe, just maybe, I can.” — Lysa TerKeurst, from Made to Crave, Ch. 18.
, Ch. 18.
Hi Candace- I am right there with you…I have been overeating for awhile now and need to stop. I am thinking that I need to get this book!
The last time I was really successful with weight loss I had an acountability partner (we checked in with each other every week to see how much we had lost). I think I need to do that again. If you are interested in doing that with me email me. No pressure though if you feel uncomfortable about it.
As far as exercise goes…you may hate it now (I know it did…with a passion!!!!!!), but once you get use to it it will actually help control the depression! Cure it? NO. But it will ease it. I never really used to exercise until after Noah was born. Now that I have made it a habit I can tell when I haven’t exercised recently…the anxiety and depression hit harder. My issue now is not the exercise part but the eating…you can exercise a ton, but if you don’t eat right then you can’t lose the weight (at least that is my experience).
I will be praying for you…and going to see if I can pick up Made to Crave!
Sorry that this is so long. This post just really hit me because I am struggling with this right now.
Candace- Not sure if you saw this, but there is a Made to Crave devotional for the Kindle that is free!
http://www.amazon.com/Craving-God-Devotional-Challenge-ebook/dp/B004H1T824/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1307146284&sr=8-2
Hi Candace!
First, Good job on the first 7 pounds. Just remember that most of that is water weight and that all weeks will not be that much. Secondly, make a sign, a promise to God to give him back the body he entrusted you with. That really worked for me. I had to get on my hands and knees at the alter and PROMISE Him as well. Also, get yourself a digital scale and join Sparkpeople.com. With a digital scale you can see how many ounces you lose each day. That is HUGE for me. As long as I see minus .2ounces, I’m good. With Sparkpeople, you can track you weight and it provides a graph which SO cool. You can even track your measurements if you dare. I logged them and will log again when I reach my goal.
I also weigh every morning before I eat or drink anything. Get up an pee during the night. When you do, your flushing out toxins. This book is wonderful. Stay strong, pray and have faith and you WILL do it.
I know what your going though. I’ve lost 37 pounds and 28 inches with it and still going. 🙂
Much Love,
Kimberly in Florida
Candace…I’m actually starting the Made to Crave group study in a couple of weeks.
I’m also going almost vegan to try to help with my Lupus, though I am hopeful that weight loss will go along with those changes.
I am scared. to. death.
Scared I will fail.
Scared I will always feel lousy.
Scared I won’t have enough faith, discipline, willpower.
But I also have hope. Pray for me? And I will surely remember you, friend.
I had never struggled with my weight before babies. Actually I was struggling to keep enough on. Add six babies, and one year on anti-depressants, and I was at one point 40 lbs over what was healthy for me. I am currently attempting to lose, and you are right, there are times when it’s soooo hard – who wants another stinkin’ serving of veggies??? But there are ways to make it easier. I personally don’t mind snacking on plain veggies, but sometimes, I want a little bit of something with it. It is worth it, but I know how hard it is. I keep hearing about this book, but haven’t looked at it myself. Maybe I’ll try to pick it up. Be encouraged. Oh, and btw, I don’t think I’ve commented here before, but I just wanted to say I really enjoy your blog.
I just started the book. I could lie and say I just started to try to lose weight…HA! Been trying for months and months. My favorite small quote, which I’ve already paraphrased from the book…”It may be permissible, but not beneficial”. I like that one. I can do the exercise, and that use to be all I needed. But now, after baby #8, I need to watch the food too now. I think I eat mindlessly, while reading, working on the computer, etc. I also can’t just have “one”, kwim. I somehow need to let go and say, that is enough.
Thanks for doing this!
Candace, the craving thing I understand, even though I’m a guy. We do it to – we can just get away with it more – because we don’t care as much. We don’t care so much about that spare tire around our waist. Caring about something means focusing on it – and when the focus is less than “perfect” – there’s the problem. Men have this problem too – just with other things. God bless you. Keep up the good fight. Your honesty is awesome. Thank you.
Praying for you from the heart that understands struggling with depression. Thanks for being so real. Praying for you too as you make changes to take care of yourself. I just started exercising for the first time since I became a mom almost a decade ago and it’s hard but good to finally be taking care of my health.
Hello Sister,
I’ve read a couple of chapters in the book and I already feel like it is highlighting all areas of my life, not just the eating (which I’m still in denial about). I’ve made the stament, “Just one more time, I’ll start that…tomorrow.”, so many times. I feel challenged especially with getting up early to read the Word and being faithful to serve my man and give him my best each day.
Love You,
Michelle
Hi Candace,
I am reading your post, and I have a feeling that behind your food craving there is something else than food. Not even emotional things.
I would suggest that maybe there is a hormonal imbalance in your body.
Try the test:
http://www.hormoneprofile.com/progesteronetest.htm
I am talking from my own experience, just in my case the hormonal imbalance (not detected in time) caused me to develop more serious problems, leading to a complete hysterectomy.
My food and sweet craving was back about 7 years ago, at the age of 35. It lasted about 3 years. I would bake every week, and had problems with candida. My skin was dry and would I known what I know now, I would have known to take progesteron cream.
I am trying now to find my way in the jungle of HRT, still looking for a natural alternative.
Think bigger than food. Think bigger than your immediate look. There is a reason for it. Maybe would be good to visit a naturopath. Out body is trying to tell us something, but most of the time we do not know how to listen.
It is also wise to check your thyroid. There are also women, who’s T3 and T4 will come back normal. Try a “Reverse T3,” TSH, Anti-TPO, FT4 (all from a blood test). I would even suggest a saliva hormone test.
If I would have known about this 7 years ago, probably I would be at a different stage.
Pray for you that you find solution to your complete HEALTH and you listen to the signs that your body is trying to tell you.
Kindly,
Sara