Listening to God can be hard. When I sit at His feet and read His Word, I know those words are from Him. I have no doubts. But, when I am praying for God to bless me with His wisdom and asking for His direction, it’s not always easy to see beyond my own fleshly eyes into the will of the Father. That scary place is where our family finds itself today.
Sweet friends, I’ve been working on this post for a few weeks now. As you know, it’s been a rough year around our house. I’ve mentioned a few times that we are doing fun, unschooling things this summer and so far it’s been great.
And even though we’ve had a good few weeks, our family has decided to enroll in a local private school for the coming fall semester. This decision has not been made lightly. I have spent months, yes months, praying, losing sleep, more praying and seeking out wisdom concerning this decision.
{And this is where I wonder if I’ve made homeschooling an idol, because this decision has been way too hard for me!!}
Friends, you and I must continually remind ourselves that our hope is CHRIST, not our decisions, our circumstances, what we FEEL. Christ in me is my only hope.
Am I still passionate about homeschooling? Yes.
Do I still believe homeschooling is awesome? Yes.
Do I think I might homeschool again in the future? Yes. Might is the key word. I’ve stopped making long term plans and hope to be more open to God’s voice rather than my convictions moving forward.
But, I’m excited about this new direction as well. You see, sometimes, a mom just needs a break. And sometimes, trying to find peace in the home has to come before goals we set for ourselves many years ago.
I’ve fought and battled my kids a lot this year. My hope is that they will have the opportunity to learn and grow and be responsible to someone else for the coming year. I’m hoping and praying that this change will do us all some good. I would rather my kids go to school and us GET ALONG, than me continue fighting and fighting to get them to do school work or anything, really.
I’m sharing this because, well, what does one do when they are a homeschool blogger and they decide not to homeschool anymore? Or at minimum take a year off?
So, here is what I want you to know…
Homeschooling takes guts. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done before. Mothering ranks right up there.
But, here’s the thing. Listening to God is hard, too. Having the courage and faith to step AWAY from what we’ve done for 8 years now, that is hard. I’m having to remind myself all over again the educational choices do not make or break a family. I still love a lot of things about homeschooling.
But, God has brought us to this place and I trust Him. I’m stepping out in faith…taking a bit of a turn I didn’t expect…and just praying for the Lord to meet us in our need. Because He is faithful and I know He will!
Thank you for all your prayers and sweet comments on Facebook over the past few months. Truly, this has been unbelievably hard. Part of that is the INFJ in me that carries things too heavily and can’t sleep at night because I just.can’t.stop.thinking.about.it.all. ha!!
As for this blog? It will still be here. 🙂 I want to continue sharing my heart…which is to encourage moms, especially moms struggling with depression. Because I need that encouragement as much as the next person. I won’t be sharing as many fun, hands on learning ideas because I won’t be planning those for us this coming year. But, all my old posts will still be here and I will continue sharing as God leads! Right now I can’t say for sure…it might not be as often, or it might take a different direction…but I’m just trusting God to lead me. This little space is my home away from home, I come here to share my heart, to encourage and be encouraged…I’m not ready to give that up yet.
Lastly, this isn’t a post that I ever thought I would be writing. It’s not for the faint of heart when one has advocated and championed a cause for so many years to then make a different choice. I have already had one person tell me what a disappointment this will be to so many. As a people pleaser, that is hard to swallow, though I know God continues to grow me in this area and it is much needed growth. On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve had several respond with “good for you!” which leaves me to wonder, did you think I was doing horribly as a homeschooler all these years and have finally seen the light? So, I suppose you just CAN’T WIN with me!! LOL!! Will you just please be careful with your words for my heart’s sake? I’ve already lost enough sleep these past few weeks. 🙂 I don’t want to go to bed crying over blog comments…thanks, sweet friends.
Local friends? We are going to be paying for this school choice with the income that I will receive in teaching piano lessons again! I did this several years ago, have a music degree (and teaching degree K-8) but never thought I’d be this excited about it again. I guess God had to bring me to this place – through a very tumultuous few weeks of job hunting – to return me to my first love of music.
So, if you know of anyone that needs a teacher…here is the info, I have 7 summer students signed up so far!! yay!!
oh, dear Candace! you have to do what is right and best for your family, following God’s leading, regardless of what others may say. it is so hard (I struggle with worrying about what people think of me) but ultimately it is about God being honored and glorified, not ourselves. you can still be a great advocate for homeschooling, knowing that you have made the best decision for your own family.
Thanks so much for your encouragement, Debi. 🙂
If you are confident that you are following the Lord’s direction to step away for however long he directs, that’s enough for me. : ) I understand those hard seasons and maybe this season will refresh you to return, or … maybe not because you (and your kids) will be in a new place. Blessings on you this coming year especially, that’s it time of restoration for you and growth in your relationship with your kids!
Thank you so much, Stephanie. I’m really praying for that last part you mentioned too…so thankful we serve a BIG and FAITHFUL God.
We are so much alike…worry, introvert, etc. You HAVE to do what God leads you to do. Yes, many will be sad you aren’t here to show and tell curriculum choices that you love, but obeying the Lord is what we all must do even when it is SO HARD! 🙂 we may call you for lessonsin the next year or two! 🙂
Thanks Jess!! Obedience is still hard even as an adult. Ha!! 🙂 we all keep walking by faith dependent upon Him to guide even if we only get a tiny glimpse at a time.
Candace,
I think those of us who are people pleasers tend to struggle a bit more with decisions like this. This past year we transformed to a hybrid homeschooling family when son #3 went to a local school. He had been begging me for 2 years to go to school and get away from his brothers who can be the worse bullies towards him. Looking back, I can see the Holy Spirit guiding us to that decision.
I’m in serious prayer this summer over son #2 as he’s entering high school now and I just do not have the energy for 2 boys at that level who fight me over getting their work done in a timely fashion. I know that if he does end up going to school it would be my decision (made through prayer) as he doesn’t want to stop homeschooling.(or should I say playing games all day.)
Regardless of where your children are for school, you and your husband are still their primary educators and an important part of their lives. Maybe a year at school will have them longing for you. Or, maybe they will thrive in that school and find that they can better enjoy time as a family without the frustration homeschooling can be.
Thanks, Laura! Sounds like we’ve experienced a lot of the same emotions. 🙂 I have a friend who keeps saying to me, “WHY are you so hard on yourself?” Honestly, I don’t know how to be otherwise…something I need to work on for sure!! 🙂 Thanks for your encouragement.
Candace, I think that you have been thoughtful and wise about your decision, and though it was probably hard to make, you have trusted Him and looked for Him and that is what is most important. I remember when I put all my kids in school almost 5 years ago after homeschooling for almost 10 years…a friend said to me : ” you will always be a homeschooling mom.” That gave me such peace…and it’s so true! We will always be our kids’ teachers whether they are in school or schooling at home. Blessings!
Oh thank you, Andrea. Your words give me peace, too.
I’ve been a hybrid homeschooler for a number of years now. For us it was just facing the reality of multiple special needs and I could not handle it all. My kids have survived public school just fine and with their faith intact. Nicolas is a witness as he is singing hymns on the school bus every day, lol. They do far more for him than I could and unfortunately I found public-school students to be more accepting of my special needs kids then homeschoolers.
Best to you on this new adventure..and that’s just what it is! like you I am struggling with the direction of my blog… really kind of feeling that it’s more of a disability mom blog and then a homeschool blog for a mommy blog.
sorry about the grammar my iPad is being weird
Marya
Your honesty is just amazing and very appreciated. For myself I have struggled every year my son has been of school age to homeschool or not, and he is going in to fourth grade! I homeschooled second grade so far and am so far planning on it for next year, but gosh is it a hard decision! I am still waiting on the lightening bolt answer from God and I think that is the key. If God has chosen this path for you then there should be no guilt! (I know easier said then done!) We moms tend to beat ourselves up too much I think, so I pray God will give you the peace you need and that others will be kind with their words!!
I know exactly how you feel and how agonizing the process of change is when you’ve invested so much in a “calling” and in a ministry. But from the other side, I will tell you that God is in the homeschool and God is in the private school and God is even in the public school. Most importantly, God is easiest to see and hear in obedience–wherever that happens to be. I know your heart and have no doubt that God will continue to use you and your writing to encourage others. Love and hugs to you, Candace.
Denise, you are a treasure. Thank you so much. I realized as I read your comments that YOU DO know how this feels. 🙂 And you are so right…GOD IS IN IT ALL and He will not abandon or forsake my children no matter where they spend their days.
Candice, just now seeing this because we’ve been out of town. I pray God’s blessings on your journey as a non homeschool mom! We’ve had some rough ones over the years, and there were many times I wanted to throw in the towel. I prayed and prayed and I always felt like God was saying to me ‘Not yet.’ ‘You’re not done.’
Obedience is HARD! Yet here we are, almost done. 2 graduated, 1 a senior next year (she’s taking all her classes at the community college) and 1 sophomore. Frankly, I don’t teach so much as facilitate anymore. It’s almost over, and now I’m wondering what I’m going to do when I grow up. 🙂
Even though my answer from the Lord was the opposite of yours, I commend you, and encourage you to keep listening to Him. There is great peace in obedience! I pray a wonderful school year full of renewed relationships for your family. 🙂
Candace, I’ve always been inspired by your courage, your strength and your never ending honesty. You’ve learned to bear your soul in every way being a mom, wife and friend. You’ve been real in every aspect of your life, the struggles of parenting, homeschooling and your decision to make changes in the best interest of your family. I’ve learned through you that it’s ok to make life flexible, without a solid life plan. We have become so abundantly surrounded by many people that paint life so perfectly as parents, spouses and friends when they live a life of misery wiithout honesty. The journey of honesty has truly set you free, and never look back. Your family, your beautiful children and your husband will love you more for it. Where ever the journey in life takes you, embrace it as its Gods blessing to you
Pam,thank you so much for your kind words. My prayer for this blog has been just that – authenticity and realness in the midst of struggle, pointing to Jesus all the while, He is our only hope! Thank you for your sweet words. 🙂
Candace, we met very briefly once at an Azure pick up so you may not know who I am but I couldn’t help but give some encouraging words 🙂 This is such a personal and complicated decision EITHER direction on multiple levels. We began in public school then switched to homeschooling, then after 2 1/2 yrs of HS we actually enrolled our daughter in public school at the beginning of last year to try that. It has all been such an incredible learning experience and I have learned that there is absolutely no absolute correct way to do either direction. The only absolute is loving and being committed to the best for your entire family in each season and all that particular season holds. You’ve got those absolutes in spades 🙂 I’m also an INFJ
Candace, we met very briefly once at an Azure pick up so you may not know who I am but I couldn’t help but give some encouraging words 🙂 This is such a personal and complicated decision EITHER direction on multiple levels. We began in public school then switched to homeschooling, then after 2 1/2 yrs of HS we actually enrolled our daughter in public school at the beginning of last year to try that. It has all been such an incredible learning experience and I have learned that there is absolutely no absolute correct way to do either direction. The only absolute is loving and being committed to the best for your entire family in each season and all that particular season holds. You’ve got those absolutes in spades 🙂 I’m also an INFJ so I get what that entails as well 😉 As you are already doing, try to silence the naysayers and listen to your own heart, and the heart of your family, plus the heart of your Creator, no one else knows. I applaud you for breaking out of a particular method for the purpose of what’s best for you guys, no matter what system it is that you are moving out of and into. Big hugs and prayers!
Candace, I haven’t read your blog for quite some time. I was catching up this evening and saw this post. We’ve also enrolled our kids in a private school this year. It was sooo hard but it’s been a very good thing for everyone. It’s nice to just be mom and not teacher. We don’t know what the next years will hold but for this year we’re flourishing. I know God will bless your efforts whether kids are homeschooling or going out. God bless!
Thank you for this wonderful post. I am transitioning from homeschool to private and the decision was grueling.
Thank you. We’re in the midst of making this decision too. I’m battling my kids and feeling like a failure. I’m depressed. I’m both excited and heartbroken thinking about putting them in school.