Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take Him at His WORD.
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1
“I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth – praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:1-3
“Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.” Psalm 37:5
“I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4
“In You, O Lord, I put my trust…deliver me…be my rock of refuge, a fortress of defense to save me.” Psalm 31:1-2
Friends, it has been a rough few days for me. Many of you know I had a really difficult struggle with depression about 3-4 years ago. Well, this time around it appears to be a bit different, but possibly headed in that same direction. Maybe anxiety? I don’t know…but the past few weeks and especially 3 days have been very hard for me. When you struggle with something like depression or anxiety, one bad *hour* feels like a bad *year.* A long morning feels like a long decade.
I am not writing this post to share with you how I have overcome depression or anxiety, because quite honestly, I’m in the middle of it right now. I haven’t found a “secret” cure. I have changed my diet, I have been exercising more regularly than ever before in my life…2 things I was hoping and praying would help me. But, they aren’t. I have started a new medication, and so far it is not helping either.
The reason I write this post is because, though it is hard to see past this moment or past my struggles, I trust in Him. Very simple. I trust Him. I’m not sure I could have said this with the same convinction a few years ago. But, it truly IS sweet to trust in Jesus, to take Him at His word. You see, those verses I listed above are my Rock. At times, when there is nothing else I can do, I go hide in the bathroom and cry. And, I hear the Lord speaking gently to me…”I am your Rock. I am your Refuge.” And I trust Him.
I don’t understand why I struggle. Earlier today in the midst of my tears, I cursed the personality God gave me. I worried for my kids, feeling I am ruining by the moment. I don’t understand why. But, I trust Him. I trust His word. And, Jeremiah 29:11 tells me that He has a plan for me. The anxiety, the depression, they don’t take Him by surprise. He doesn’t sit up in heaven and say, “oops, that was not a part of the plan!” He has already written the pages of my life story and prayerfully, every last minute of every long day will be used for His glory.
The times I have spent in the valley have been the times I have most readily clung to Him and His word. The times I have spent in the pit of depression have been the times I have seen just how intense my need for Him is. And ya know, just because I’m clinging to Him doesn’t mean He is going to take it all away. But, I do know that I may never have seen the DEPTH of my NEED for Him had I not fallen into those pits and spent that time in the valley.
So, tonight, as I try my hardest not to keep asking why, I praise Him. I praise Him and I trust Him. I don’t understand, but I don’t have to. He is God, He has a plan and I trust Him. And that is enough.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
3 Years Off of Anti-Depressants
I would love for you to read an update now that I have been off all of my anti-depressants for 3 years and am thriving. God has been so good to me. My mindset has changed. My health has changed. We are never truly hopeless if we have Christ. We have the power of the Holy Spirit living within us giving us the power to make the steps necessary to BE TRANSFORMED.
My Journey Off of Anti-Depressants
My wellness journey & 51 pound weight loss!
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Struggling mamas, find more encouragement here!
Learning to pray God’s Word has been one of the best tools on the battlefield of depression I have found. Read more about this spiritual discipline here.
I’m praying for you Candace. I went through a year-long depression when I was 35 and now, 10 years later, it’s still painful to think about. God is faithful and He brought me out – He will bring you out too! This is NOT the new normal for you!
I have no idea if this will help in your situation, but I’m going to put it out there, just in case it helps someone. God showed me two things that helped me: 1) forgiving family members who had hurt me and 2) I started using natural progesterone cream which balanced my hormones.
Keep holding onto God and His word, my precious sister!
Valerie
markandval(at)gmail(dot)com
Bless you, Candace. You will be in my prayers.
Wendy
I’ll be praying for you … I posted about those very verses that you closed with on Monday (Prov. 3:5-6). I have had some of the same feelings this week myself and understand how hard it is to be mommy when you are feeling this way. Praying that you cling to this scriptures and that you take the words of Elisabeth Elliott to heart, “Just do the next thing.” 🙂
I’m praying for you, I have had bouts of depression on and off in my life so I can relate for sure. I admire your honesty and I think it will be a testament for many, so many times we read blogs and think wow, they have it all together but in reality people also have pain and struggles-thank God we do put our lives in our Saviors hands-how do people ever get by without him? Your a WONDERFUL mom, don’t lose sight of that in the midst of your depression, that is a lie from the enemy. I love what Terri Maxwell says in her books about her bouts of depression (she has a severe depression), she thought they were ruined forever-they don’t even remember it! How Great God is!
angela
Candace,
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please know that you’re not alone in this!
Do you read Ann Voskamp’s blog? I find her writing especially encouraging because of its eloquence, truth, and because she, too, has suffered. Here’s a link (in case you need it)—>http://www.aholyexperience.com/
Praying you have a better day!
Candace,
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please know that you’re not alone in this!
Do you read Ann Voskamp’s blog? I find her writing especially encouraging because of its eloquence, truth, and because she, too, has suffered. Here’s a link (in case you need it)—>http://www.aholyexperience.com/
Praying you have a better day!
Oops! Sorry for the double post! 🙂 (I must’ve really wanted to tell you that!)
Praying for you, Candace!!!
What a wonderful testimony. I will lift you up before the Lord and ask Him to comfort you.
I’m praying for you, Candace!!! ((((HUGS))))
I can so identify with what you are going with. My entire family on my mother’s side suffers from anxiety and depression. About 9 years ago I had a really hard time with it and even started suffering physical symptoms because it became so bad, especially the anxiety. I finally went tot he doctor and was put on medication which I stayed on for 2-3 years. At that time in my life I was not as close to God as I should have been. Since that time I have developed a new relationship and have not had as many troubles. But it is always there hiding in the background waiting to pounce. If you would like to talk let me know and we can exchange email addresses.
Blessings
Diane
candace, i just popped over from (in)courage and i am asking God right now to bring you to my mind so that i can pray.
i am more than familiar with anxiety. familiar with being in pits. and, like you, familiar with coming to know the Father better through those circumstances.
love to you!
I just sang that hymn to my little one tonight…Praying for you…Scripture that I saw happen in my own struggle with depression years ago – “I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth – Praise to our God; Many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40: 1-3 I’m praying!
Praying for you Candace. Big HUGS!!
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An der Europa-Universität Viadrina studieren junge Menschen aus allen Teilen der Welt.
I wish you could see into your future. I am in my mid 70’s and I was so like you when I was younger. I missed so much of my children’s lives because of all the traveling I did with my job. I didn’t know then that the sadness I always carried was a form of depression.
Now my children are grown and I live next door to one and across the country from the other and you know what? They turned out OK. But I have shared with others about not losing that precious time with the littles. And now I know that worrying and stressing over the years hurt nobody but me! There is a lot in my family’s past that contained so much pain for us all and eventually led to divorce after 30 years. But God has always been there!! I can look back and see his hand in so many ways.
God is good! He is always loving me whether I “feel” like it or not. I will continue to pray for you. I really enjoy your fresh and real blog posts!
Blessings