Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take Him at His WORD.
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1
“I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth – praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:1-3
“Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.” Psalm 37:5
“I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4
“In You, O Lord, I put my trust…deliver me…be my rock of refuge, a fortress of defense to save me.” Psalm 31:1-2
Friends, it has been a rough few days for me. Many of you know I had a really difficult struggle with depression about 3-4 years ago. Well, this time around it appears to be a bit different, but possibly headed in that same direction. Maybe anxiety? I don’t know…but the past few weeks and especially 3 days have been very hard for me. When you struggle with something like depression or anxiety, one bad *hour* feels like a bad *year.* A long morning feels like a long decade.
I am not writing this post to share with you how I have overcome depression or anxiety, because quite honestly, I’m in the middle of it right now. I haven’t found a “secret” cure. I have changed my diet, I have been exercising more regularly than ever before in my life…2 things I was hoping and praying would help me. But, they aren’t. I have started a new medication, and so far it is not helping either.
The reason I write this post is because, though it is hard to see past this moment or past my struggles, I trust in Him. Very simple. I trust Him. I’m not sure I could have said this with the same convinction a few years ago. But, it truly IS sweet to trust in Jesus, to take Him at His word. You see, those verses I listed above are my Rock. At times, when there is nothing else I can do, I go hide in the bathroom and cry. And, I hear the Lord speaking gently to me…”I am your Rock. I am your Refuge.” And I trust Him.
I don’t understand why I struggle. Earlier today in the midst of my tears, I cursed the personality God gave me. I worried for my kids, feeling I am ruining by the moment. I don’t understand why. But, I trust Him. I trust His word. And, Jeremiah 29:11 tells me that He has a plan for me. The anxiety, the depression, they don’t take Him by surprise. He doesn’t sit up in heaven and say, “oops, that was not a part of the plan!” He has already written the pages of my life story and prayerfully, every last minute of every long day will be used for His glory.
The times I have spent in the valley have been the times I have most readily clung to Him and His word. The times I have spent in the pit of depression have been the times I have seen just how intense my need for Him is. And ya know, just because I’m clinging to Him doesn’t mean He is going to take it all away. But, I do know that I may never have seen the DEPTH of my NEED for Him had I not fallen into those pits and spent that time in the valley.
So, tonight, as I try my hardest not to keep asking why, I praise Him. I praise Him and I trust Him. I don’t understand, but I don’t have to. He is God, He has a plan and I trust Him. And that is enough.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
3 Years Off of Anti-Depressants
I would love for you to read an update now that I have been off all of my anti-depressants for 3 years and am thriving. God has been so good to me. My mindset has changed. My health has changed. We are never truly hopeless if we have Christ. We have the power of the Holy Spirit living within us giving us the power to make the steps necessary to BE TRANSFORMED.
Struggling mamas, find more encouragement here!
Learning to pray God’s Word has been one of the best tools on the battlefield of depression I have found. Read more about this spiritual discipline here.